Failure is Necessary

We need adversity in our lives. Obviously too much of it sets a pattern that may not be able to be escaped from. Each person has a different threshold. Great entrepreneurs have a high tolerance for failure. People suffering from depression would probably not. (Note I am not in any way taking mental illness lightly just using an example).

Adversity has a way of getting us moving. It puts our backs to the wall and shows us our alternatives clearly. Instead of having multiple possible courses of actions we may only have a couple after a failure.

Wallowing in failure is not healthy. Using failure to direct our energies is healthy, and part of what has made the American culture strong.

I worry now though because our sensitive society seems to want to eliminate all chances of failure in our lives. There are too many examples to list but here are a few that bother me. Kids in school that have trouble with math are given calculators in some cases. Politicians are looking for ways to make whole people who have had sub prime mortgages go into default. This one is a two-fer, some politicians want the government to bail out these mortgages, this makes the lender and the borrower whole when they should not be. Young women who get pregnant, instead of deciding to give up the baby to a loving family, now have the decision to either kill it or be given massive aid from the government.

When someone takes away the results of failing, we don't learn the valuable lessons that we need to learn. I was talking to a friend recently and we both we wondering why we as a people are so selfish when it comes to our health. I for one am very overweight and putting my life at risk. When I think of not being there for my children I cringe. (I am attempting to do something about this but it is very difficult). I believe this has to do with the advances in medicine. In our minds we believe someone will find a way out, a new treatment, a new drug and when it doesn't happen we get bitter. It is immature. Another cause I believe is the free time we have. Generations prior to World War II would never have sat around and whined like we do. They simply didn't have time. They were busy trying to feed their families. For the majority of us we don't have that worry nearly as much anymore.

Now how to let people fail without letting it destroy them. That is a tough one to pull off. I think the key is to allow lessons to be learned with love and not dispassionate aloofness. I try to use every setback my children have as a learning experience. It may be something they wanted that they didn't get or a game they lost. All of these things have value as learning experiences. I think the bigger goal though is removing public officials as nanny's. Parents raise children. Politicians should stop trying to devise laws that take away failure. It is hurting out society.

We as citizens also have responsibility here. We must stop looking to public officials to make us whole. Grown ups need to learn from adversity just as we teach our children to. Learning doesn't stop when you hit 21. I write this as someone who has not always learned from failure but all too often has let it destroy me. This is not good for individuals or societies. Victim hood is not a productive mindset. It is within our grasp if only we will reach out for it. We owe it to our children.